21st Century Driving

To the tune of Messing About On The River by Tony Hatch

We set out today unsure of the way,
To merrily follow the Satnav,
Twelve miles, no more, we go door to door,
And faithfully follow the Satnav.
There's lorries and trailers all driving our way,
And cars full of families out for the day,
No reason to fear, we're all in good cheer,
As we place all our faith in the Satnav.

It takes us down lanes resembling drains,
And yet we still follow the Satnav,
Through gullies awash with slurry we slosh,
Our confidence strong in the Satnav,
There's natures abundance all round us today,
It looks like a storm front is coming this way,
So raising a smile we face the last mile,
And place all our trust in the satnav.

The buffeting track is doing my back,
Still betting it all on the Satnav,
The ground beneath feels like its never seen wheels,
We're not quite so sure as the Satnav.
There's ditches and rivers we're having to face,
And fallen logs lying all over the place,
With one final push we crash through a bush,
Which didn't appear on the Satnav.

Sharp boulders now scar both sides of the car,
We're starting to swear at the Satnav,
So cold darkness falls and the tawny owl calls,
We've had it to here with the Satnav,
There's wild beasts and worse, an hysterical wife,
If I get out of this I'll be damaged for life,
It's certain to tell there's a circle of Hell,
For the muppet who programmed the Satnav.

4 x 4

A poem in four stanzas of four lines each - because it has to be

To travel safe in rain and snow I drive a four-b’four,

It’s not the first I’ve had I had a four-b’four before,

And that was but the latest one I had one more before,

I had a four-b’four before the four-b’four before.

For four by forty days or more from autumn to the thaw,

My four-b'four protects me as it did the four before,

The four-b'four before this four-b'four much duty saw,

As did the four-b'four before the four-b'four before.

The four-b’four before the four-b’four I had before,

Replaced a four-b’four I had before so now it’s four,

The four-b’four before the four-b’four that came before,

Was but the latest one for there were even more before.

Before the four there were four more - four four-b'fours before,

That's four before the four-b'fours I counted just before.

I think we're up to ten for I've remembered even more,

The four before the four before the four-b'four before.